To all my friends ...

That's the rules.

A man shopping in a supermarket took his purchase of two cans of dog food to the checkout counter.

The cashier asked, "Sir, do you have a dog?"

"Yes." replied the man.

"Well, where is it?" asked the cashier.

"I left him home." he answered. "Sorry," the cashier said, "You can't buy the dog food if I can't see the dog.

That's the rules."

The next day he returned to the store and brought some cat food to the checkout.

"Do you have a cat?" asked the cashier.

"Yes," he said, "but I left him home."

"Sorry," she said, "If I can't see the cat, I can't sell you the food.

That's the rules."

The next day the man walked into the store with a brown paper bag.

He walked up to the cashier and said, "Here.

Put your hand in here."

The cashier put her hand in and said, "It's soft and warm.

What is it?" The man replied, "I'd like three rolls of toilet paper please!"

(",)

Man Meets Women

A man was in a bar when a great looking woman walked in dressed very daringly.

He couldn't keep his eyes off her.

She finally turned and said, " If you like what you see, come talk to me?".

The embarrassed gentleman finally walked over and admitted that she was the hottest thing he has seen in a long time.

The woman said "Well thank you".

If you want anything, just ask.

No matter how strange or kinky, I will do it for £100.00.

And I do mean Anything.

Only one thing, you have to say what you want me to do in three words.

The man thought for a second and then said,

"Paint my house" (",)

Choosing a Girlfriend

There is a man who has three girlfriends, but he does not know which one to marry.

So he decides to give each one $5000 and see how each of them spends it.

The first one goes out and gets a total make over with the money. She gets new clothes, a new hairdo, manicure, pedicure, the works, and tells the man, "I spent the money so I could look pretty for you because I love you so much."

The second one went out and bought new golf clubs, a CD player, a television, and a stereo and gives them to the man. She says, "I bought these gifts for you with the money because I love you so much."

The third one takes the $5000 and invests it in the stock market, doubles her investment, returns the $5000 to the man and reinvests the rest. She says, "I am investing the rest of the money for our future because I love you so much."

The man thought long and hard about how each of the women spent the money, and decided to marry the one with the biggest tits. (",)

Final word on the festive season.

The Christmas panto for thr Paranoid Scizophrenics turned into utter chaos when somebody shouted .

"HES BEHIND YOU."

(",)

A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store but she couldn't find one big enough for her family.

She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied,

"No ma'am, they're dead"


(",)

Three men die in a car accident.

They all find themselves at the pearly gates, waiting to enter Heaven.

On entering they are told that they must present something Christmassy.

The first man searches his pocket, and finds some mistltoe, so he is allowed in.

The second man presents a cracker , so he is also allowed in.

The third man pulls out a pair of knickers.

Confused at this last gesture , the angel asks him: "How do these represent Christmas?"

The man answers:

"They're Carol's." (",)

The Day After Christmas.

"Ho Ho Ho"

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Dear Santa ...

The 3 stages of man:

1) He believes in Santa Claus.

2) He doesn't believe in Santa Claus.

3) He is Santa Claus.

Doggie Style.

Two guys are riding to work on the bus.

They both see two dogs goin' at it on a lawn.

One guy, who's married, looks at the other and says, "Geez, I'd give anything to do it to my wife like that."

The other, a single guy, says, "Heck, that's easy.

Just feed her three martinis."

The same two guys are riding the bus to work the next morning.

The single one asks the other, "Well, did you get to do it to your wife doggie style?"

The married guy replies, "Yes, but it took SIX martinis."

The single guy exclaims, "SIX martinis! How come so many?"

The husband replies, "Hell, it took three just to get her out on the lawn."

(",)

Welcome to the Weekend

This husband and wife are staying in a hotel, and after a romantic evening wining and dining they go off to bed.

However, as soon as they settled down, the man (not quite ready for slumber) leans over and whispers softly, "Hey snuggle boopy boops, your lickle hubby wubby isn't quite ready for bye-byes yet."

The wife takes the hint and says, "OK, but I have to use the bathroom first."

So off she goes but on her way back she trips over a piece of carpet and lands flat on her face.

Her husband jumps up and exclaims in a concerned tone "Oh my little honey bunny, is your nosey-wosey all right?"

No harm is done, so she jumps into bed and they have mad passionate sex for three hours.

Afterwards, the wife goes off to the bathroom again, but on her way she trips over the same piece of carpet and again lands flat on her face on the floor.

Her husband looks over and grunts "Clumsy bitch."

(",)

A man returned home from the night shift and went straight up to the bedroom and found his wife with the sheet pulled over her head, fast asleep.

Not to be denied, the horny husband crawled under the sheet and proceeded to make love to her.

Afterward, as he hurried downstairs for something to eat, he was startled to find breakfast on the table and his wife pouring coffee."How'd you get down her so fast?" he asked. "We were just making love!"

"Oh my God," his wife gasped, "That's my mother up there! She came over early and had complained of having a headache.

I told her to go and lie down for awhile." Rushing upstairs, the wife ran to the bedroom.

"Mother, I can't believe this happened.

Why didn't you say something?"

The mother-in-law huffed,

"I haven't spoken to that jerk for fifteen years and I wasn't about to start now!"

(",)

How did she look?

A guy went to a psychiatrist because he was having severe problems with his sex life.

The psychiatrist asked him a lot of questions, but he couldn't get a clear picture of the problems.

Finally he asked,

"Do you ever watch your girlfriend's face while you're having sex?"

"Well, yes, I did once."

"And how did she look?"

"Oh boy, she looked very angry!"

At this point the psychiatrist felt that he was really getting somewhere.

"Well that's very interesting, we must look into this further.

Now tell me, you say that you have only seen your girlfriend's face once during sex.

That seems somewhat unusual.

How did it occur that you saw her face that time?"

"She was watching us through the window."

(",)

New Recrute

The CIA wants a new assassin to work for them.

Out of hundreds of candidates, three of them are brought back for the final test.

The first man walks up to the CIA trainer and is given a gun.

He is told that he is to go into the next room where his wife will be sitting, tied up to a chair.

He is told to kill her or he will not get the job.

Straight away the man says "I can't kill my own wife!" So the CIA trainer thanks him for applying and tells him to leave with his wife.

The second man walks in and is told the same thing by the CIA trainer.

He walks in the room and shuts the door.

After thirty seconds he comes out and says he just can't kill her.

The CIA trainer thanks him and tells him to leave with his wife.

The third candidate is a woman.

She walks in and is told the same thing as the other two candidates, but this time it is not a wife who is in their it is a husband.

She agrees to this and walks in the room. 6 gun shots are heard and then silence for a while.

Then screaming followed by a painful sounding noise.

She walks out and says to the trainer, "Why didn't you tell me the gun was loaded with blanks? I had to beat him to death with the chair!" (",)

YOU'RE KINKY...

A police officer was patrolling the highway when he sees a guy tied up to a tree, crying.

The officer stops and approaches the guy. "What's going on here?", he asks.

The guy sobs, "I was driving and picked up a hitchhiker.

He pulled a gun on me, robbed me, took all my money, my clothes, my car and then tied me up."

The cop studied the guy for a moment, and then pulled down his pants and whipped out his dick.

"Gee I guess this just isn't your lucky day, pal!"

(",)

YOU KNOW YOU'RE KINKY WHEN...

- Sticks & stones may break your bones, but that's an acceptable risk.

- You call people other than your Father "Daddy."

- Reading the word spanking makes you blush.

- Your first, favorite scout badge was for knot tying.

- Kitchen utensils are found in your bedroom.

- Tack shops: Not just for equestrians anymore.

- You own and use handcuffs, but aren't employed in law enforcement.

- You start to salivate and get aroused as you pass the local candle factory.

- Canning season gets you *really* excited.


- Citibank calls you because someone used your credit card to make a huge purchase at a tack shop in another state, and they know that you live in a metropolitan area and don't own a horse.

- Your Avon Representative politely informs you that the company has no plans to make that Eau de Leather scent you have been pestering them about.

- Your idea of Fantasy Island looks far more like "Exit to Eden" than anything they showed on TV.

- They know you by name, size, and favorite colors at four local leather shops.

- You need an 18-wheeler to haul all your toys to a party.

- Your son's Boy Scout Troop thinks you are way cool because you helped them earn their merit badge for knot tying.

(",)

A man and a woman are sitting side by side at a bar getting really wasted.

They are both really depressed.

The man asks the woman why she's so down and she replies, "My husband left me because he said I was too kinky in bed." "What a coincidence!" he said, "My wife just left me. She said I was too kinky in bed too."

So they start talking and they find that they have much in common so they decide to go to the woman's apartment and have kinky sex.

When they arrive at her apartment, she tells him she needs a few minutes so she can slip into something more comfortable.

She comes out of the bathroom with a tight, black leather outfit with a whip, handcuffs, a strap-on cock, and a 12 inch studded dildo.

Then she hurries into the kitchen and comes out with tabasco sauce, whipped cream, and a rolling pin.

Then she notices that the man is putting on his coat and is walking towards the door.

"What's going on?", she asks. "I thought you wanted to get kinky?"

He turns around and says, "I just fucked your dog and shit in your purse.

I'm all done here."

(",)

Swearing at work

Dear Employees:

It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their colleagues.

Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will no longer be tolerated.

We do, however, realise the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with colleagues.

Therefore, a list of 13 New and Innovative "TRY SAYING" phrases have been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner.

1) TRY SAYING: I think you could do with more training. INSTEAD OF: You don't have a fucking clue, do you?

2) TRY SAYING: She's an aggressive go-getter. INSTEAD OF: She's a fucking power-crazy bitch.

3) TRY SAYING: Perhaps I can work late. INSTEAD OF: And when the fuck do you expect me to do this?

4) TRY SAYING: I'm certain that isn't feasible. INSTEAD OF: Fuck off arse-wipe.

5) TRY SAYING: Really? INSTEAD OF: Well fuck me backwards with a telegraph pole.

6) TRY SAYING: Perhaps you should check with... INSTEAD OF: Tell someone who gives a fuck.

7) TRY SAYING: I wasn't involved in the project. INSTEAD OF: Not my fucking problem, mate.

8) TRY SAYING: That's interesting. INSTEAD OF: What the fuck?

9) TRY SAYING: I'm not sure this can be implemented within the given timescale.INSTEAD OF: No fucking chance mate.

10) TRY SAYING: It will be tight, but I'll try to schedule it in. INSTEAD OF: Why the fuck didn't you tell me that yesterday?

11) TRY SAYING: He's not familiar with the issues. INSTEAD OF: He's got his head up his fucking arse.

12) TRY SAYING: Excuse me, sir? INSTEAD OF: Oi, fuck face.

13) TRY SAYING: Of course, I was only going to be at home anyway. INSTEAD OF: Yeah, who needs fucking holidays anyway.

Thank You (",)

Blonde School Girl

A girl comes home from school...

"Mummy, today we did counting at school and all the other kids could only count up to five but I could count to ten! Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"Yes, darling. It's because you're blonde."

The girl comes home from school the following day... "Mummy! Guess what? Today we were doing the alphabet and all the other kids could only go as far as 'g' but I went as far as 'm'. Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"Yes darling, it's because you're blonde."

The girl comes home the day after that.... "Mummy, today we were doing gym and all the other girls had flat chests, but I had these....", the girl pulls up her top to reveal a stunning set of 36D breasts.... "Is it because I'm blonde, mummy?"

"No, dear. It's because you're 25."

(",)

Q: did you hear about the blonde that robbed a bank?

A: she tied up the safe and blew the guard.

The Doctors Check Up...

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.

After his checkup, he doctor called the wife into his office alone.


He said, "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with horrible stress. If you don't do the following, your husband will surely die."

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast.

Be pleasant, and make sure he is in a good mood.

For lunch make him a nutritious meal he can take to work.

And for dinner, prepare an especially nice meal for him." "Don't burden him with chores, as this could further his stress.

Don't discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse.

Try to relax your husband in the evening by wearing lingerie and giving him plenty of backrubs." "Encourage him to watch some type of team sporting event on television.

And most importantly, make love with your husband several times a week and satisfy his every whim.

If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health."

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, "What did the doctor say?"

"You're going to die," she replied. (",)

Whats up with you?

A man walks into a bar and orders a triple scotch.

The barman gives it to him and he gulps in down in one swoop. "Hey buddy, you must be having it rough.

Whats up with you?" says the bartender. "Well, I got home early from work last night and found my wife and my best friend in bed with each other!" "Thats terrible pal, the next drink is on the house."

So the bartender gives him another tripple scotch and again he gulps it down. "If you don't mind me asking, what did you say to your wife?"

"I told her I've had enough and I want a divorce!"

"Good for you! You said the right thing.

So what did you say to your best friend?"

"Well, I walked up to him, looked him straight in the eyes and said......BAD DOG!"

Fetch me slippers

Murphy calls to see his mate Paddy who has a broken leg.

Paddy says, 'me feet are freezing mate, could you nip up stairs and fetch me slippers?'

'No bother' says Murphy, and runs upstairs.

There, sat on their bed, are paddys stunning 19 yr old twin duughters. 'Hello girls, your dad sent me up here to shag ya both.'

'Fuck off ya liar' they said.

'I'll prove it' says paddy.

So he shouts down the stairs 'Both of them Pat?'

'Course' he says 'What's the use of fucking one of them?' (",)

Monday Sickness.

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday.

On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick." He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him." So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays.

You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you.

What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs.

But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister.

So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right.

She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her." The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."

(",)

Good Morning

Ladies Room

A rather attractive woman goes up to the bar in a quiet, rural pub.

She gestures alluringly to the barman who comes over immediately.

When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face close to hers.

He does so and she begins to gently caress his beard, which is full and bushy."Are you the landlord?" she asks, softly stroking his face with both hands."Actually, no" he replies."Well, can you get him for me - I need to speak to him?" the woman asks, running her hands up beyond his beard and into his thick hair."I'm afraid I can't," breathes the barman -clearly aroused "is there anything I can do?"."Yes there is. I need you to give him a message," she continues huskily, popping a couple of fingers into his mouth and allowing him to lick them gently.

"Tell him that there is no toilet paper in the ladies room.". (",)

Cybersex

Online computer users often engage in what is affectionately known as "Cybersex". Often the fantasies typed into keyboards and shared through Internet phone lines get pretty raunchy. However, as you'll see below, one of the two cyber-surfers in the following transcript of an online chat doesn't seem to quite get the point of Cybersex. Then again, maybe he does....

Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?

Sweetheart: I am wearing a red silk blouse, a miniskirt and high heels. I work out every day, I'm toned and perfect. My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?

Wellhung: I'm 6'3" and about 250 pounds. I wear glasses and I have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought from Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing a T-shirt with a few spots of barbecue sauce on it from dinner. It's smells funny.

Sweetheart: I want you! Would you like to screw me?

Wellhung: OK

Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my dresser and night table. I'm looking up into your eyes, smiling. My hand works its way down to your crotch and begins to fondle your huge, swelling bulge.

Wellhung: I'm gulping, I'm beginning to sweat.

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing your chest.

Wellhung: Now I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.

Sweetheart: I'm moaning softly.

Wellhung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and sliding it off slowly.

Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back in pleasure. The cool silk slides off my warm skin. I'm rubbing your bulge faster, pulling and rubbing.

Wellhung: My hands suddenly jerks spastically and accidentally rips a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.

Sweetheart: That's OK, it wasn't really too expensive.

Wellhung: I'll pay for it.

Sweetheart: Don't worry about it. I'm wearing a lacy black bra. My soft breasts are rising and falling, as I breath harder and harder.

Wellhung: I'm fumbling with the clasp on your bra. I think it's stuck. Do you have any scissors?

Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly...I'm reaching back undoing the clasp. The bra slides off my body. The air caresses my breasts. My nipples are erect for you.

Wellhung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.

Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. Oh baby. I just want to feel your tongue all over me.

Wellhung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm licking your breasts. They're neat!

Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair. Now I'm nibbling your ear.

Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your breasts are covered with spit and phlegm.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm so sorry. Really.

Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off my breasts with the remains of my blouse.

Wellhung: I'm taking the sopping wet blouse from you. I drop it with a plop.

Sweetheart: OK. I'm pulling your sweat pants down and rubbing you hard tool.

Wellhung: I'm screaming like a woman. Your hands are cold! Yeeee!

Sweetheart: I'm pulling up my miniskirt. Take of my panties!

Wellhung: I'm pulling off your panties. My tongue is going all over, in and out nibbling on you... ummm... wait a minute.

Sweetheart: What's the matter?

Wellhung: I've got a pubic hair caught in my throat. I'm choking!

Sweetheart: Are you OK?

Wellhung: I'm having a coughing fit! I'm turning all red.

Sweetheart: Can I help?

Wellhung: I'm running to the kitchen, choking wildly. I'm fumbling through the cabinets, looking for a cup. Where do you keep your cups?

Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink.

Wellhung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There, that's better.

Sweetheart: Come back to me lover.

Wellhung: I'm washing the cup now.

Sweetheart: I'm on the bed arching for you.

Wellhung: I'm drying the cup. Now I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait, it's dark, I'm lost. Where's the bedroom?

Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.

Wellhung: I found it.

Sweetheart: I'm tuggin' off your pants. I'm moaning. I want you so badly.

Wellhung: Me too.

Sweetheart: Your pants are off. I kiss you passionately our naked bodies pressing each other.

Wellhung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.

Sweetheart: Why don't you take off your glasses?

Wellhung: OK, but I can't see very well without them. I place the glasses on the night table.

Sweetheart: I'm bending over the bed. Give it to me, baby!

Wellhung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly across the room and toward the bathroom.

Sweetheart: Hurry back, lover!

Wellhung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet. I lift the lid.

Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.

Wellhung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle, but I can't find it. Uh-oh!

Sweetheart: What's the matter now?

Wellhung: I've realized that I've peed into your laundry hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bedroom now, blindly feeling my way.

Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes. Come on.

Wellhung: OK, now I'm going to put my...you know...thing...in your... you know...woman's thing.

Sweetheart: Yes! Do it, baby! Do it!

Wellhung: I'm touching your smooth butt. It feels so nice. I kiss your neck. Umm, I'm having a little trouble here.

Sweetheart: I'm moving my ass back and forth, moaning. I can't stand it another second! Slide in! Screw me now!

Wellhung: I'm flaccid.

Sweetheart: What?

Wellhung: I'm limp. I can't sustain an erection.

Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around, an incredulous look on my face.

Wellhung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my wiener is all floppy. I'm going to get my glasses and see what's wrong.

Sweetheart: No, never mind. I'm getting dressed. I'm putting on my underwear. Now I'm putting on my wet nasty blouse.

Wellhung: No wait! Now I'm squinting, trying to find the night table. I'm feeling along the dresser, knocking over cans of hair spray, picture frames and your candles.

Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. Now I'm putting on my shoes.

Wellhung: I've found my glasses. I'm putting them on. My God! One of our candles fell on the curtain. The curtain is on fire! I'm pointing at it, a shocked look on my face.

Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, you loser!

Wellhung: Now the carpet is on fire! Oh nooooo!

Sweetheart: Bye!!!

(",)

Helpful

One day a young secretary was just putting things away before she left for her lunch break, when she noticed her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face.

The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help.

"Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important." Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper.

Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy." (",)

It's a mans fault.

Female Problems
Okay, Okay, it *finally* all makes sense now... I never looked at it this way before:
MENtal illness
MENstrual cramps
MENtal breakdown
MENopause
GUYnocologist .
AND ..... When we have REAL trouble, it's a HISterectomy.

Ever notice how all of the female problems start with MALES???
Show this web address to all the women you know to brighten their day.

(",)

Ask the Doctor.

Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable slop.

Q: Is beer or wine bad for me?
A: Look, it goes to the earlier point about fruits and vegetables. As we all know, scientists divide everything in the world into three categories: animal, mineral, and vegetable. We all know that beer and wine are not animal, and they are not on the periodic table of elements, so that only leaves one thing, right? My advice: Have a burger and a beer and enjoy your liquid vegetables.

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body, and you have body fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: At the gym, a guy asked me to "spot" for him while he did the bench press. What did he mean?
A: "Spotting" for someone means you stand over him while he blows air up your shorts. It's an accepted practice at health clubs; though if you find that it becomes the ONLY reason why you're going in, you probably ought to reevaluate your exercise program.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain-No Pain.

Q: If I stop smoking, will I live longer?
A: Nope. Smoking is a sign of individual expression and peace of mind. If you stop, you'll probably stress yourself to death in record time.

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: You're not listening. Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: What's the secret to healthy eating?
A: Thicker gravy.

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about trying to live a longer and healthier life. (",)

Meet Bendy Wendy ...

'Im not cheap, but I am on special this week.

(",)

Q. What's the difference between Wendy and a mosquito?
A. When you smack the mosquito it stops sucking!!

(",)

Wendy decides to do something wild she hasn't done before, so she sets out to rent her first x-rated adult video.

She goes to the video store and, after looking around for a while, selects a title that sounds very stimulating. When she arrives home, lights some candles, slips into something comfortable, and puts the tape into the VCR.

To her disappointment, there's nothing but static on the screen, so she calls the video store to complain.

"I just rented an adult movie from you and there's nothing on the tape but static." "Sorry about, that," replied the store clerk. "We've had problems with some of those tapes.

Which title did you rent?"
Wendy replied, "It's called 'Head Cleaner.'"

(",)

A bloke walks up to Wendy in a nite club and says,

"Hi, My name's Bond"

She says, "Don't tell me, it's James!"

He says, "No it's UNI, and I'm here to fill your crack..." (",)