EVERYBODY !!!

Foreign workers take yet more UK jobs" says the Daily Mail. However, this has been denied by the Employment Minister, Joszef Grzybowski.

I was sat in a restaurant and got hit on the back of the head by a prawn cocktail. I looked round and this bloke shouts, 'That's just for starters!'

Yoko Ono has been signed up for the next series of 'I'm a celebrity, get me out of here!' Show bosses think she will do really well since she's been living off a dead Beatle for the last thirty years.

Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.

My girlfriend said she was leaving me due to my obsession with the 60's group The Monkees. I thought she was joking ........ and then I saw her face......

The wife asked me what i was doing late on the computer last night.i told her i was looking at flights."awww i love you she said" then got all excited,unzipped my trousers and gave me the best blowjob ever......which is odd as she has never shown an interest in darts before

Boy says to mum 'I've got the biggest cock at nursery, is it coz I'm special? No she replied, its coz you're 28 and a fucking retard, now be a good lad and dont get spaghetti down your Liverpool top