My Favorite Animal

My Favorite Animal

Our teacher asked what's my favorite animal and I said, "Fried
chicken."

She told me I'm not funny, but she couldn't
have been right because everyone else laughed.
My parents told me to always tell the
truth. I did. Fried chicken is my favorite animal.

I told my dad what happened, and he said my teacher is probably a member of
PETA. He said they love animals very much. I do, too. Especially chicken.

Anyway, my teacher sent me to the principal's
office. I told him what happened, and he laughed, too. Then he told me
not to do it again.

The next day in class, my teacher asked me what's my favorite live animal.
I told her it is chicken. She asked me why, so I told her it is because
you can make them into fried chicken.

She sent me back to the principal's office. He laughed, and told me not
to do it again.

I don't understand. My parents taught me to be honest, but my teacher
doesn't like it when I am.

Today, my teacher asked me to tell her what famous person I admired most.
I told her, "Colonel Sanders." Guess where I am now...

Ho Ho Oh My Kiddy Aunt.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

Made me LOL

Went to our local bar with my wife last night. Locals started shouting "pedophile!" and other names at me, just because my wife is 24 and I'm 50. It completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

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I asked the cashier if I could possibly take her picture with my phone because she was absolutely stunning. She giggled and said, “Of course!”

Her expression soon changed as she was scanning my jar of lube and 3 boxes of tissues.

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This interviewer stopped me in the street and asked, “Excuse me sir, are you in a loving relationship?”

“No,” I replied, “I’m married.”

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Sometimes I like to hide my wife’s inhaler.

So the next door Neighbours think I’m a stallion when they hear her panting “Give it to me!”

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Man shouts frantically into the phone
"My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!"
"Is this her first child?" asks the Doctor.
"No", he shouts, "this is her husband!"

Has Cameron saved Britons Bacon

British Prime Minister David Cameron struck a deal in which the U.K. will export £45 million worth of pig semen to China.

Now that's a lot of semen, way to much to keep Rebecca Loos busy, so I suggest that Mr. Cameron gets everyone seeking jobs seekers allowance to report the there local pig farm, there is work to be done and them Porky Pigs are not going to tug themselves off.

Funny as ... Ah Forget it.

A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work.

His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight! What the hell did you bring him home for?"

"Because he's thinking of getting married."

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Just been beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator.

I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?”

So I did.

I don’t remember much after that.

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I was thrown out of school for shitting on the teacher’s desk.

My wife said she’ll do parent’s evenings from now on.


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What are the two most important holes in a woman's body? ...

NO. It's not them you dirty bastards it's her nostrils ...

They allow her to breath while she is sucking cock.