WADD ARR

Too often, we lose sight of lifes simple pleasures ...‏

Give us our daily bread

Two old boys, one 73 and one just turned 80, were sitting on their usual park bench one fine morning.

The 80 year old had just finished his morning jog around the park lake and wasn't even short of breath.

The 73 year old was amazed at his friend's stamina and asked him what he did to have so much energy.

The 80 year old said "Well, I eat plenty of rye bread everyday. It keeps your energy level high and you'll have great stamina with the ladies."

So, on the way home, the 73 year old stops at the bakery. As he was looking around, the lady asked if he needed any help.

He said, "Do you have any rye bread?"

She said, "Yes, there's a whole shelf of it. Would you like some?"

He said, "Yes, I want 5 loaves.

She said, "My goodness, 5 loaves...by the time you get to the 5th loaf, it'll be rock hard"

He replied, "I can't believe it, everybody in the freaking world knows about this shit but me."

Do yourself a favour ... Don't Ask.

Q: How many women with PMT does it take to change a light
bulb?



Woman's Answer:


One!

ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?

Because no one else in this f***n house knows HOW to change a f***n light bulb! They don't even know that the f***n bulb is BURNED OUT!! They would sit in the dark for THREE f***n DAYS before they figured it out.

And, once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to find the god damned light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CABINET for the past 13 YEARS!

But if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find them, 2 DAYS LATER, the f***n chair they dragged to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME f***n SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE FREAKING LIGHT BULBS CAME IN!!! BECAUSE NO F**er EVER PICKS UP OR CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!!!!

IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE F***N PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE F***N HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS PLACE! AND DON'T EVEN GET ME STARTED ON WHO CHANGES THE F***N TOILET PAPER ROLL !!

I'm sorry.

What was the question again?

Woman swallowed whole by leopard

I thought it was fake until I saw the photo below. Somehow the woman was lodged in the leopard's throat and they finally *cut the leopard's head off to let the woman escape. She was unharmed….Unbelievable!!




CAUTION

Photo may be too frightening for some viewers
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Drunk

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud painful scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

What the hell is all the screaming about in there? he yells. Youre scaring all the customers!

Im just sitting here on the toilet, slurs the drunk, and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the life out of my balls.

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, You drunken idiot! ... Youre sitting on the mop bucket!

Ave It

Nice little off the shoulder number ...