Drunk

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud painful scream is heard coming from the bathroom. A few minutes after that, another loud scream reverberates through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate why the drunk is screaming.

What the hell is all the screaming about in there? he yells. Youre scaring all the customers!

Im just sitting here on the toilet, slurs the drunk, and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the life out of my balls.

The bartender opens the door, looks in, and says, You drunken idiot! ... Youre sitting on the mop bucket!