Spot the Blonde

Top Dog

A man had settled into his seat next to the window on the plane when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his dog in the middle seat next.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why he was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was a air marshall and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'. 'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we get airborne, when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it had levelled out, the air marshall said, 'Watch this.' He told Sniffer to search.

Sniffer jumped down, walked along the aisle, and finally sat very purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.

Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the air marshalls arm.

The air marshall said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said, 'That woman is in possession of marijuana, so I'm making a note of her seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land. 'Say, that's pretty clever,' replied the first man.

Once again, the air marshall sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The super sniffer dog sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds, returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the air marshalls arm.

The air marshall said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it! I like it alot' said his neighbour.

The air marshall then told Sniffer to 'search' again.. Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for a moment, and then came racing back to the air marshall with it's tail between its legs, jumped into the middle seat and proceeded to shit all over the place, and I do mean shit.

The first man was pretty revolted by the dogs behaviour and wondered why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he asked the air marshall, 'What's the hell is going on now?'

The air marshall swallowed hard and replied, 'He just found a bomb.'

Bear Enough

A man wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof. So he looks in the yellow pages and sure enough, there’s an ad for ‘Bear Removers.’ He calls the number, and the bear remover says he’ll be over in 20 minutes.

The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van. He’s got a ladder, a baseball bat, a shotgun and a mean old pit bull.

‘What are you going to do?’ the homeowner asks?

‘I’m going to put this ladder up against the roof, then, I’m going to go up there and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat. When the bear falls off, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles and not let go.

The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van.’ He hands the shotgun to the homeowner.

‘What’s the shotgun for?’, asks the homeowner.

‘If the bear knocks me off the roof, I want you to shoot the fucking dog.’

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Zebo is a half blind six year old African orphan, he has to travel 8 miles a day to school with only one leg on a bicycle with buckled wheels and no brakes.

Please give just a small donation of two pounds and we;ll send you the video.




It is fucking hilarious ...

W W W WOW

A very pretty young speech therapist was getting nowhere with her ‘Stammerers Action’ group. She had tried every technique in the book without the slightest success. Finally, thoroughly exasperated, she said,
‘If any of you can tell me the name of the town where you were born, without stuttering, I will have wild and passionate sex with you until your muscles ache and your eyes water. So, who wants to go first?’

The Englishman piped up, ‘B-b-b-b-b-b-b-irmingham’, he said.

‘That’s no use, Trevor’ said the speech therapist, ‘Who’s next?’.

The Scotsman raised his hand and blurted out, ‘P-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-aisley’.

‘That’s no better. There’ll be no wild sex for you either afraid, Hamish.

How about you, Paddy?’.

The Irishman took a deep breath and eventually blurted out, ‘London’.

‘That’s Brilliant, Paddy!’, said the speech therapist and immediately set about living up to her promise. After 15 minutes of exceptionally steamy wild sex, the couple paused for breath and Paddy said, ‘d-d-d-d-d-d-d-d-erry’

Family Picture

Good Veiwing

Little Tommy has been asking his dad for a telly in his room for years. However when the boy is 10 years old the father reluctantly agrees.

Next day Tommy comes downstairs and says, Dad I was watching telly last night, but I need to know wots love juice.

Dad looks horrified puts his head in his hands but dicides to tell Tommy all about sex in great detail.

Tommy just sat there with his mouth open in amazement.

Then his Dad says, So wot were you watchin on the telly then?

Tommy says, Wimbledon!

Motivation

Internet Porn

Internet Porn - Even my best friend is in to it.

Oh Look

Vacation

Inner Peace

I am passing this on to you because it definitely works, and we could all use a little more calmness in our lives.

By following simple advice that I heard on the Dr. Phil show this morning, you too can find inner peace.



Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and have never finished."



So, I looked around the house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before leaving the house this afternoon, I finished off a bottle of Red Wine, a bottle of Southern Comfort, a bottle of Bailey's Irish Cream, a bottle of Vodka, a packet of M&Ms (the blue ones are great) the remainder of my old Prozac prescription, the rest of the bubble gum flavour ice cream, some fudge and a box of after eight mints.



You have no idea how freaking good I feel right now.



Please pass this link on to those whom you think might be in need of inner peace.

May the 4th ... Be With You

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