Help is never far away

One day a secretary is leaving on her lunch break, and she notices her boss standing in front of a shredder with a clueless look on his face. The secretary walks up to him and asks if he needs help. "Yes!" he says looking and sounding relieved, "This is very important."

Glad to help, she turns the shredder on and inserts the paper.


Then her boss says, "Thanks, I only need one copy."

Dressing Up

Three women: one engaged, one married, and one a mistress, are chatting over a coffee about their relationships and decide to amaze their men.... that night all three will wear a leather bodice S&M style, stilettos and mask over their eyes.

After a few days they meet again for a coffee morning chat.....

The mistress stated: 'Oh Yes! The other night we met in his office. I was wearing the leather bodice, mega stilettos, mask over my eyes and a raincoat. When I opened the raincoat, he didn't say a word. We just had wild sex right there all night.

The engaged girlfriend said: 'The other night, when my boyfriend came back home, he found me in the leather bodice, 4' stilettos and mask. He said, 'You are the woman of my life, I love you... then we made love all night long.'

The married one then said: 'Well, last night I sent the kids to stay at my mother's for the night, I got myself ready, leather bodice, super stilettos and mask over my eyes.

My husband came in from work, grabbed the TV remote and a beer, plopped his fat ass on the couch and said, 'Hey Batman, what's for dinner?'

Re - Branding

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A message for Fathers Day

Welcome to the Weekend

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How life should be.

The most unfair thing about life is the way it ends. I mean, life is tough. It takes up a lot of your time. What do you get in the end of it? Death. What's that...a bonus? I think the life cycle is all backwards.

(1) You should die first, you know, start out dead, get it out of the way. You wake up in a an old age home, feeling better every day.

(2) You get kicked out for being too healthy, go collect your pension, then, when you start work, you get a gold watch on your first day.

(3) You work 40 years until you're young enough to enjoy your retirement. You drink alcohol, you party, play golf, you're generally promiscuous (hey, you've only got a few years left, what's the big deal?!?) and you get ready for High School.

(4) Then you go to primary school, you become a kid, you play, you have no responsibilities, and, finally, you become a baby;

(5) The last step, you spend your last 9 months floating peacefully with luxuries like central heating, spa, room service on tap, larger quarters everyday, then you finish off as an orgasm!

Extra Extra ... Read al About it.

When I'm Old, If I Lean A Little Please Let Me

The proud family wheeled old Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.

Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate.

After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right.

A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.

Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, and then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up.

A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good! How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew......

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.

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"These bastards won't let me fart."

A drunk walks out of a bar with a car key in his hand and he is stumbling back and forth.

A police officer on the beat sees him and approaches .. 'Can I help you sir?'

'Yessh ! Ssssomebody ssstole my carrr,' .. the man replies.

The police officer asks ... 'Where was your car the last time you saw it?'

'It wasss on the end of thisshh key,' the man replies.

About that time the cop looks down and sees the man's penis hanging out of his fly for all the world to see.

He asks the man, 'Sir, are you aware that you are exposing yourself?'

Momentarily confused, the drunk looks down at his crotch and without missing a beat, blurts out ...

'I'll be damned .. ... My girlfriend's gone, too ! ! !'