If the world cup teams were women.

Brazil - Angelina Jolie
Looks good, a bit maverick at times and you know they have the potential to really screw you over (",)

France - Dido
One big hit. Fairly inoffensive really (",)

England - Mariah Carey
Occasionally interesting, frequently annoying. (",)

Germany - Barbara Windsor
Been laughing at those tits so long we forget that once upon a time they actually looked quite good. (",)

Italy - Madonna
Have been big at times - now lost the plot a bit - ageing stars.(",)

Sweden - Tara Palmer Tompkinson
Can look quite good at the back - but nothing at all up front to speak of.

Spain - Christina Aguillera
Can look good. Various unsavoury elements though. (",)

Argentina - Chrissie Hynde
On the face of it a has-been, but you're quite interested in what she'sgoing to do next (",)

Australia - Kylie Minogue
Sometimes you feel sorry for them, they’re not huge and you've got a bit of a soft spot. (",)

Holland - Joan Collins
Used to look good, but living on past glories. (",)