In Safe Hands

"My wife would make a great goalie," one man said to his friend. Because"I haven't scored for months."

A goalkeeper had had a particularly bad season and announced that he was retiring from professional football.

In a television interview he was asked his reasons for quitting the game.

'Well, basically,' he said, 'it's a question of illness and fatigue.'
'Can you be more specific?' asked the interviewer.

'Well,' said the player, 'specifically the fans are sick and tired of me.'

I'm not saying our goalkeeper is rubbish but...
1) He suffers from repetitive strain injury in his back from continually having to bend over and pick the ball out of the back of the net
2) He is the hero of the other teams supporters club
3) He once saved a penatly and 8 fans we're taking to hospital suffering from shock

Is your goalkeeper getting any better?'
Not really. Last Saturday he let in five goals in the first ten minutes. He was so fed up when he failed to stop the fifth that he put his head in his hands - and dropped it!'

Help for the goalie
It was only the fourth week of the season and United's new goalkeeper had already let in twenty-seven goals. He was having a drink in a pub one night when a man approached him and said,
'I've been watching you play, son, and I think I might be able to help you.'
'Are you a trainer?' said the young goalkeeper hopefully.
'No,' said the stranger, 'I'm an optician.


Soccer Anagram
Enter hot lips = Peter Shilton (",)