GOAAAAAAAAAAL!

England fan came over to Germany for the World Cup.

As he didn't have a ticket he asked a tout outside the gates how much the cheapest one cost.

'£400,' said the tout.

'£400' said the fan. 'Back in Manchester I could get a woman for that!'

'Maybe,' said the tout. 'But you wouldn't get an hour and a half with a Bavarian Oompah Band in the interval!' (",)


A visiting fan turned up at England opening game last week and was told that seats were £25, £40 and £75, and programmes £8.

'OK,' he said cheerfully, 'I'll sit on a programme!' (",)


A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the German autobahn and nothing is moving.

Suddenly a man knocks on the window. The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's going on?"

"Terrorists have kidnapped 3 England football fans.

They're asking for a £10 million ransom. Otherwise they're going to douse them with petrol and set them on fire.

We're going from car to car, taking up a collection." "How much is everyone giving, on average?" the driver asks.

"About a gallon and a half" (",)