The Glorious Day Has Arrived.

Football: A game consisting of 22 skilled players, one impartial referee, two eagle eyed referee's assistants and one stupid ball.



Teammate: Another person that you have to dribble around.

Fans: Two sets of absusive referees.

Offside: The Bermuda Triangle area of the pitch where "innocent" players are drawn towards.

Scoring: When 11 men spontaneously start dancing and kissing, regardless of any injuries, whilst 11 others droop like wallflowers.

Striker: Faultless, overpaid, box hogging layabout who only misses the goal when he is fed a bad ball.

Defender: Player who's function is to commit fouls just outside of the penalty area.

Ball: Round object used by referees to entice players into comitting fouls.


The following squads have just been announced for the 2006 World Cup

YUGOSLAVIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Itch

Annoyingitch Hardtoreachitch Scratchanitch

Hic Sic Spic Pric

Digaditch Fallinaditch

Horseraditch

SUBS:

Mowapitch
Letsgetrich
Shagabitch

RUSSIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Whodyanicabolicov

Ticlycov Chesticov Nasticov

Slalomsky Downhillsky

Risky Swedishshev Mastershev

Fuckov Ufuckov

SUBS:

Rubitov
Gechakitov
Sodov
Pastryshev
Najinsky
Ivorripabollockov
Taykitov

ROMANIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Chatanoogaciouciou

Atishiou Blessiou Thankyiou

Busqueue Snookercu

Pennyciou Twoapennyciou Fourapennyciou

I'llgetciou Youandwhosarmi

SUBS:

U
NonU
ManU
Stuffyiou
Lee Kwan Yu

DANISH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Toomanigoalssen

Tryandstopussen Crapdefenssen Haveagossen

Firstsson Seccondsson

Thirdsson

Legshurtssen Notroubleseeingussen

Wherestheballssen Getthebeerssen

SUBS:

Howmanygoalsisthatssen
Finallygaveupcountinssen
Hurryupandblowthewhistlessen
Yourelatedtoalexfergusonssen

ITALIAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Baloni

Potbelli Beerbelli Giveitsumwelli

Wotsontelli Yrarseissmelli Onetoomani

Legslikejelli Havabenni

Wobblijelli Spendapenni

SUBS:

Cantthinkofani!!!

Buggermi

MEXICAN SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

San Francisco

Costa Brava Hopelez Juan Andonly

Manuel Gearbox

Don Criformi-Argentina Skrewdigalz Luis Canon Sombrero

Chihuahua Jose

SUBS:

Jesus Maria Don Key
Burrito
Speedy Gonzalez
Tequila
Caramba

DUTCH SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

Kenning van Hire

Van Diemansland Van der Valk Van Gard Van Erealdizeez

Ad van Tagus Hertz van Rental Transit van Dors

Van Coova Van Sprokendown Aye van Hoe

SUBS:

Van Iller
Van Ishincreme
Van Morrison


Two players who are not included are Russian hard-man Sendimov, who will be serving a three-month suspension, and the hard-working Mexican midfielder, Manuel Labor.

There is no place in the Dutch squad for lesbian tranny, Dick van Dyke.

The young Dutch star Per Vert has been excluded from the squad, after he was discovered in the back streets of Amsterdam with his finger in a dyke.

GERMANY SQUAD FOR WORLD CUP 2006

KUNTS

KUNTS KUNTS KUNTS KUNTS

KUNTS KUNTS KUNTS KUNTS
KUNTS
KUNTS

SUBS:
KUNTS
KUNTS
KUNTS
KUNTS
KUNTS
KUNTS

You know soccer is taking over your life when....

You video games of Subbuteo for post game analysis.

You refer to the sofa as a "dugout"

You can recall the names of all of the players who have played in winning World Cup teams, but can't remember your kids name.

Well with the opening ceremony in Germany just a few hours away, lets hope we see plenty of action (she says) (",)