Bathroom Scales

I was standing on the bathroom scales desperately sucking in my stomach.

"That's not going to help," said my wife.

"Yes,it will," I replied. "It's the only way I can see the fucking numbers"

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My neighbor asked me where I wanted to be buried. Apparently "balls deep in your wife's ass" was the wrong answer

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A friend of mine has just told me he's sleeping his girlfriend and her twin, I said how can you tell them apart, he said "her brothers got a mustache.

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I was lacking some confidence. Then I turned on my computer and found out hot singles in my area wanna chat with me right now.

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