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WHAT A WIFE SAYS...AND MEANS



The wife says: You want The wife means: You want

The wife says: We need The wife means: I want

The wife says: It's your decision The wife means: The correct decision should be obvious

The wife says: Do what you want The wife means: You'll pay for this later

The wife says: We need to talk The wife means: I need to complain

The wife says: Sure... go ahead The wife means: I don't want you to

The wife says: I'n not upset The wife means: Of course I'm upset you moron

The wife says: You're ... so manly The wife means: You need a shave and sweat a lot

The wife says: Be romantic, turn out the lights The wife means: I have flabby thighs.

The wife says: This kitchen is so inconvenient The wife means: I want a new house.

The wife says: I want new curtains. The wife means: Also carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper!

The wife says: I need wedding shoes. The wife means: The other forty pairs are the wrong shade of white.

The wife says: Hang the picture there The wife means: No, I mean hang it there!

The wife says: I heard a noise The wife means: I noticed you were almost asleep.

The wife says: Do you love me? The wife means: I'm going to ask for something expensive.

The wife says: How much do you love me? The wife means: I did something today you're not going to like.

The wife says: I'll be ready in a minute. The wife means: Kick off your shoes and take an hour nap.

The wife says: Am I fat? The wife means: Tell me I'm beautiful.

The wife says: You have to learn to communicate. The wife means: Just agree with me.

The wife says: Are you listening to me? The wife means: [Too late, your doomed.]

The wife says: Yes The wife means: No

The wife says: No The wife means: No

The wife says: Maybe The wife means: No

The wife says: I'm sorry The wife means: You'll be sorry

The wife says: Do you like this recipe? The wife means: You better get used to it

The wife says: All we're going to buy is a soap dish The wife means: I'm coming back with enough to fill this place.

The wife says: Was that the baby? The wife means: Get out of bed and walk him

The wife says: I'm not yelling! The wife means: Yes I am! I think this is important!

In answer to the question "What's wrong?"
The wife says: The same old thing. The wife means: Nothing.

The wife says: Nothing. The wife means: Everything.

The wife says: Nothing, really. The wife means: It's just that you're an idiot.

The wife says: I don't want to talk about it. The wife means: I'm still building up steam. (",)