Good news & Bad news!

A guy goes to see a doctor and after a series of tests the doctor comes in and says, "I've got some good news and some bad news." "What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately, you've only got 3 months to live." The patient is shocked, "Oh my god! Well what's the good news then, doctor?"

The doctor points over to the secretary at the front desk, "You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?" The patient says, "Yes." The doctor smiles and replies, "I'm banging her like a screen door in a full force hurricane!"

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WORDS WOMEN USE.

Fathoming out some of the finer points of our 'better' halves vocabulary and mannerisms is a fine art. All is not always as it first appears, there are often underlying meanings which us blokes can only pick up over a period of time. Below is the beginners guide.

FINE - This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.

FIVE MINUTES - If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

NOTHING - This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"

GO AHEAD - This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.

LOUD SIGH - This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men.

A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"

THAT'S OKAY - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

THANKS - A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.

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A final thought for today!

Why is it that when men talk dirty to wemen it is interpretated as Sexual Harassment, but whe women talk dirty to men it is £1.50 a minute? (",)