40 degrees - Californians shiver uncontrollably. People in Scotland sunbathe.

35 degrees - Italian cars won't start. People in Scotland drive with the windows down.

20 degrees - Floridians wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. People in Scotland throw on a T-shirt.

15 degrees - Californians begin to evacuate the state. People in Scotland go swimming in the sea.

0 degrees - New York landlords turn the heat on. People in Scotland have a last barby before it gets cold.

-10 degrees - People in Miami are extinct. People in Scotland lick flagpoles.

-20 degrees - Californians all now live in Mexico. People in Scotland throw on a light jacket.

-80 degrees - Polar bears begin to evacuate the Artic. Scottish Boy Scouts postpone winter survival excercise until it gets cold enough.

-100 degrees - Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. People in Scotland wear a vest and pull down their ear flaps.

-173 degrees - Ethyl alcohol freezes. People in Scotland are angry 'cos they can't thaw their whisky kegs.

-297 degrees - Microbial life starts to grind to a halt. Scottish cows complain of farmers with cold hands.

-460 degrees - ALL atomic motion stops. People in Scotland start saying " A bit hill billy ... eh? "

-500 degrees - Hell freezes over. Scottish people support England in the World Cup.

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