It's Been a While I Know.

Police raided Kermit's lily pad last night & found hundres of naked pictures of Miss piggy. they said it was the worst case of frogs porn they'd ever seen.

A girl in a bar points at a mans beer belly. she says "is that Carling or Bud?"He says " no idea, but there's a tap underneath if you wanna little taste

My son asked me for some help with his creative writing assignment today.So I gave him the link to his mother's description on match.com

I was walking along eating a burger when a woman's dog started barking and jumping up at me."Don't mind him, he can smell the meat and wants some, the little scamp." she said."Can you throw him a bit?" I said."Of course i can!"So I picked him up and chucked him in front of a fucking bus

I've been kicked off Blind Date.Cilla: "Number 3, what's your name and where do you come from?"Me: "My name is Dave and I come from the end of my penis."Not an appropriate answer

My neighbour confronted me today askin if i was the one that keeps stealing her underwear off the washing line, I nearly shit her pants