How to offend just about everyone.

Fat bitch in a bar says 'If you can guess my weight, you can screw me.' A bloke says, ''Bout three ton you fat ugly mole '. She says, 'That's close enough you lucky bastard'.




The latest club craze is to fill a woman's vagina with vodka and then suck it out using a straw. Doctors are warning about the dangers of minge drinking


A farmer in Devon has made history by growing a field of dildos! Unfortunately he's had a lot of trouble with squatters!


85% of Liverpool males say they enjoy sex in the shower........ The other 15% haven't been to prison yet

I've just been to my first Muslim birthday party! Musical chairs was a bit slow but pass the parcel was fast!


2 Irish couples decide to swap partners. Afterwards Paddy said to Murphy that's the best shag I've ever had, I wonder how the girls got on ?


If mothers Celebrate mothers day, fathers celebrate fathers day, lovers celebrate valentines day, do wankers celebrate Palm Sunday?


Paddy weighs 240lbs, so his doctor puts him on a diet. 'I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day and repeat this for 2 weeks, you should lose 20lbs.' When Paddy returned, he shocked the doctor by having lost 80lbs . 'That?s amazing the doc said'...Paddy nodded...'I'll tell you be Jesus, I taut I was gonna drop dead by da 3rd day.' 'What from hunger said the doc?'...'No from the f........g skipping!'


BBC 1 HAVE SAID THAT BLACKS AND ASIANS ARE NOT REPRESENTED ENOUGH ON TV SO THEY'RE PUTTING CRIME WATCH ON TWICE A WEEK.


Are you available to come to a charity pancake competition on Shrove Tuesday? The organisers have the pans and the ingredients they just need a tosser.