Wire brush and Dettol

The Queen of England was visiting The Royal Military Hospital, and insisted on making a round of the wards.

She came into a room with three beds and asked the first soldier, “What is wrong with you?

“Embarrassed, the soldier replied, “Syphilis, Your Majesty.

“Trying to appear natural, the Queen asked, “And what treatment do you get for it?“

“Wire brush and Dettol,“ the soldier replied.

“Is there anything you would like to make your stay more comfortable?“ the Queen asked.“No, Ma'am, I'm a soldier in the Queen's Own Regiment, and that's enough for me.

“Deeply touched, the Queen moved on to the next bed, where the soldier lay on his stomach.

“What is wrong with you, soldier?“ she asked.

“Piles, Your Majesty,“ grunted the soldier.

“What is your treatment here?“

“Wire brush and Dettol, Ma'am.

“Wincing the Queen asked if there was anything she could do to make him more comfortable.

He answered that he was simply grateful to be a soldier in the Queen's Own Regiment, and that was more than enough.

The third soldier told her hoarsely that his problem was a sore throat.

“What is the treatment for that?“ she asked.

“Wire brush and Dettol, Ma'am,“ came the reply.

“Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable?“

“Yes, Ma'am. Next time I would like my treatment first before those two dirty fuckers get the brush.“ (",)