A wife arrived home from a shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed naked with a lovely young lady.

Just as she was about to storm out of the house her husband stopped her with these words:

"Honey, before you leave, I want you to hear how all of this came about.

"The wife stopped to listen.

He continued, "I was driving along the highway, and I saw this young girl looking very tired and bedraggled.

So I offered her a lift.

She was also hungry, so I brought her home and made her a meal from the roast you didn't like in the refrigerator."

She had only some very worn sandals, so I gave her a pair of shoes you had discarded simply because they were out of style.

She was cold, so I gave her the sweater I bought you for your birthday.

The one you never wore because the color didn't suit you.

Her slacks were torn, so I gave her a pair of yours that were perfectly good, but much too small now."

The wife seemed to have no problem with any of this, but still needed just one question to be answered.

"That's all fine and good," she said, "but why did I find you both in our bed with NO clothes on?"

"Well, that's simple," the husband replied, " See, as she was about to leave the house, she turned to me and asked,

"Is there anything else your wife doesn't use anymore??"

(",)


A lawyer and a blonde woman are sitting next to each other on a long flight from LA to NY.

The lawyer leans over to her and asks if she would like to play a fun game.

The blonde is tired and just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The lawyer persists, saying that the game is really easy and a lot of fun.

He explains how the game works: "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me, and visa-versa."Again, she politely declines and tries to get some sleep.

The chauvinistic lawyer figures that since his opponent is a blonde he will easily win the match, so he makes another offer:

"Okay, how about this "If you don't know the answer you pay me only $5, but if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $50.

"This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring that there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, she agrees to play the game.

The lawyer asks the first question.

"What's the distance from the earth to the moon?

"The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches in to her purse, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

Now, it's the blonde's turn.

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?

"The lawyer looks at her with a puzzled look.

He takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references.

He taps into the Airphone with his modem and searches the Net and even the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends E-mails to all his co-workers and friends he knows. All to no avail.

After over an hour, of searching for the answer he finally gives up.

He wakes the blonde and hands her $50.

The blonde politely takes the $50 and turns away to get back to sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little frustrated, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, so what IS the answer?

"Again without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

(",)

The man approached a very beautiful woman in a large supermarket and asked,

"You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket.

Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?"

"Why?" she asks.

"Because every time I talk to a a beautiful woman, my wife always appears out of nowhere." (",)